7/30/01
Question 120
Dear Preschool
Teacher,
My three year old son has just started
preschool. This is his third week. He is not adjusting
well at all. This is the first time he has been in a social
situation being he was at his previous sitter from birth until now.
The teachers are stating he won't participate in activities, he just
stands on the side and cries or whines. He constantly asks for
me all day and he just isn't playing with the other children.
What can I do?? HELP!
Concerned Mommy
Dear Concerned Mommy,
This is a huge step for any three year old to take.
And one that has had a one on one relationship may find it harder at first.
How are you dealing with the separation? Tell him he will have fun.
Don't commiserate with him. He will sense your mood. Ask him about
his day. Being on the side is ok for a while. He needs to feel more
secure. Does he get attention from you or his sitter if he whines or
cries? He probably is
seeking some attention from the teacher. Don't push him to join in. He will
when he is ready.
It will take time for him to learn
to play with other children. It is a learned skill. Perhaps you
could invite a child or two home to play. He may be more comfortable in his own
home. Help him learn how to socialize. Role play with him.
Tell him ways to make friends. Don't turn it into a major issue for him.
Reassure him that you will always pick him up and that he will have fun when he
plays with the other children. If you take him from the preschool, he may
always think he can quit any school he doesn't like. It is hard for the
parents to know their child cries. But he will be ok. Reassure him
and praise the small steps he takes towards independence (even though it does
hurt your heart a little with each step away!)
Jackie
"Ask The Preschool Teacher Staff"
Dear Concerned Mommy,
The most
important thing you need to do is be consistent. If this is
where you want your child to go, you need to take him there every
day and leave--don't hang around in the room or hang around out in
the hallway. He will sense that you're having problems with
this too.
This
is something new for him, and it may take him awhile to adjust.
I had a 3 year old in my class who spent most of the year hanging
around not playing but observing. I have never had anyone take
as long as her to adjust to preschool. Most adjust in a few
weeks. I, myself, don't worry if a child just stands on the
side and watches and doesn't play at first. I try to get that
child interested in an activity, but if they just want to observe
for awhile, I let the child do that. I'm definitely not going
to pressure a child into doing something.
Peg
"Ask The Preschool Teacher Staff"
Dear Concerned Mommy,
First, I think you need to ask what is being
done to encourage him to participate. Second, I had a child like
this two years ago. It took him until the eighth week of school
to participate. He stopped crying after six weeks. If the
crying is not constant, he may just be feeling things out. I
would really
encourage you to meet with his teachers and discuss with them what
they are doing. It takes the parent and teacher working as a
team not alone or against each other. Also, allow him to keep
something of yours with him through out the day. The child in my
room carried a picture of his mom and dad. Eventually he started
leaving it in his cubby and when he needed it he went to his cubby and
got a look. After 4 months he no longer brought it to school and
had a great year.
Sherri
"Ask The Preschool Teacher Staff"
