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11/29/01
Question 139 Dear Preschool
Teacher,
When I picked my son up from preschool today,
he said Mrs. So and So grabbed my arm. She was standing there and said
it was either that or get squished by a car in the parking lot.
I thought nothing of it. Then, at home, he said she
grabbed his arm during circle time because she wanted him to move.
I want to know what I should do. My husband says to let it go.
But there have been other children complaining about this arm
grabbing. Am I just being overly picky? FYI: it is a
cooperative school and there is a parent in the class at all times.
Concerned Mommy
Dear Concerned Mommy,
I believe there is reason to be concerned. It's one thing to
"grab" a child by the arm to save him from being run over by
a car, but quite another to do it to have a child do something you
want. I would talk to the teacher about your concern. If
you are not happy with the response, talk to a few other parents who
are in the classroom to see if this is also a concern of theirs. I
would also take time to observe a class and see how the teacher deals
with other children as well. This is not something I would take
lightly. I have taught pre-school for 18 years and grabbing a
child or squeezing his arm for any reason is just not acceptable.
Most parent co-operative pre-schools have a board of some kind, and
this may have to be brought up at that level.
Be sure to talk to the teacher first, and to observe for yourself if
possible. Good luck!
Laura
"Ask The Preschool Teacher Staff"
Dear Concerned
Mommy,
It depends on how the teacher grabbed
your son's arm. Sometimes you can tell a child 10 times
where you want him to stand, etc., for circle time or playing a
game; and they just don't seem to know what you're telling them.
In this kind of an instance, I will "take a hold" of a
child's arm and move the child to where I can him/her to be.
I don't see anything wrong with that. However, if I was
angry at a child and grabbed him and angrily moved him somewhere,
that obviously would be wrong.
Also,
I have found that sometimes children elaborate on what the truth
really is or make up stories. I once had a child tell their
parent that I had gotten mad at the child and spanked her. I
had never done such a thing and luckily there was another adult in
the room to back me up.
Peg
"Ask The Preschool Teacher Staff"
Dear Concerned Mommy,
There are several issues here.
Is there a visible mark like someone squeezed it real hard? `Did
the tone of voice scare your child? Is your child a
cooperative person. We all know that it not acceptable to
"grab" children. Sometimes it is hard not to take
a child by the arm to redirect them.
I am a touching kind of teacher.
I rub heads and hug my kids. Sometimes, I take a child by the arm
( if they won't let me hold their hand) to get their attention or
to walk beside me in line. These children have been warned that I
will hold their hand in line if they cannot listen. I do not
intentionally "grab" them. I have kept some
children from being injured by being close and holding their arm
or hand.
I think perhaps you should see if
there are any more incidents. You do not want your child picked on
if the teacher thinks you are too concerned. Always feel free to
discuss any concerns with the teacher, that is why she is there.
Some children are not respectful to adults and many adults will
use holding tightly as a form of discipline. I have an
aggressive child who sometimes tries to hit me and I will hold his
arm lightly and tell him that I do not allow children to hit me
and that I will never hit him.
Jackie
"Ask The Preschool Teacher Staff"
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